그만두고(?) 평범한 민간인-_-으로 돌아왔다.
그동안 작업장에 갖혀서 거의 올드보이 였었다.
(친분이 있는 사람들과의 작업이라 모여서 생활했었다.)
집으로 돌아올때 수염이 덥수룩한.....그런-_;;;;
맡은 사이트가 웹RPG 컨셉으로 인해 쓰게된 익숙하지 않은 PHP코딩에 그동안 나는 엄청 질려있었다.
내 취향인지는 모르겠지만, 웹디자인이나 웹프로그래밍은 나에게 영 아닌것 같다.
라고 생각한게 가장 큰 이유였다. 또 다른 이유도 여럿 있지만, 뭐, 가장 큰 이유는 바로 심리(?) 문제였으니...
뭐, 취미 중에 하나가 바로 웹이긴 하지만 직업으로 삼을 정도로 웹을 파고 싶지 않았기 때문이리라..
역시 취미는 취미생활로 남아야 그 취미를 "즐길 수" 있는 메리트가 남게 되는게 아닐까...
취미 생활이 자신의 직업이 되어 어쩔 수 없이 해야되는 상황, 즉, 돈을 받으니 한다. 라는 상황이 된다면,
더 이상 미련없이 그 취미 아닌 취미를 떠나고 싶어질 것이다.
하지만 게임 프로그래밍은 다르다.
나의 꿈은 게임 프로그래머가 되는 것이다.
취향의 문제일 수도 있지만, 나는 뭔가 복잡한 알고리즘도 좋고,
여러 수학식도 머리아프지만 풀면 쾌감(...)이 느껴진다.
그리고 이건 취미라기보다, 꿈과 관련된 것 같다.
꿈? 이건 내가 취미로써 가볍게 여길게 아닌,
내가 인생을 받쳐 이루는 것이다. 그 꿈을 위해서는 돈을 받고 일할 수도 있는 것이고, 취미가 아니어도 괜찮은 것이다.
사실, 현실적으로 돈이라는 매개체가 안끼어들 수가 없는 것 같다.
즉, 나의 생각을 헤집어 놓는 웹과 게임 프로그래밍 둘의 차이는,
취미냐, 아니면 직업으로 하고 싶냐의 기본적인 차이 같다.
뭔가, 복잡하고 장황하게 늘어놓기만 한것 같지만 뭐 결론은 그런것이다.
나는 작은 일을 하더라도 게임 프로그래밍 계통에서.. 힘들더라도 땀빼가면서 일하고 싶고,
웹이라는 취미를 통해서 그 지친 심신을 위안받고 싶은 것이다.
하지만, "사이버 캠퍼스" 작업을 할때는 그것이 반대가 됬었던 듯해서
심히 마음이 언짢았었던 같다.
그리고 즐길 수 있느냐 없느냐의 차이도 큰 것 같다.
생각이 생활을 바꾼다는 말이 있지만 나는 웹 관련 일을 하면서
아무리 즐겁다고 생각하려고 해도 즐겁다는 생각이 들지가 않았다. 반면 게임 프로그래밍을 할때는 즐거움을 느낀다.
나는 게임 프로그래밍이 좋다. 아니 프로그래밍 자체가 좋다.
코드를 바라보고 있을 때, 뭔가 뿌듯함도 느끼고 혈기를 느낀다.
솔직히 적성이 맞는지는 아직까지도 잘 모르겠지만,
나는 그 일을 할 때 즐겁다. 즐겁게 꿈을 이뤄간다는거...
그거 인생에 있어 중요한 문제가 아닐까...
...역시 나는 글을 써놓고 보면 산만하다--;;
그리고 이 생각이 언젠가는 틀리다는걸 느낄때가 올지도 모르지...
뭐, 그런것이다...(...)
신입생 OT때 찍은 사진. 왼쪽에서 두번째가 바로 나! 술 거하게 취해서 찰칵! 그나저나 과가 과인만큼 여자가...ㅠㅠ
트랙백 주소 :: http://izeph.com/tt/blog/trackback/9
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저도 취미로는 하지만.. 절대 네버 직업으로는 웹프로그래머는 사절입니다.
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